


Happy and Healthy

by HardStansOnly



Series: you would (k)not believe it [3]
Category: GOT7
Genre: A/B/O, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Fingering, Angst with a Happy Ending, Consensual Somnophilia, Consequences and repercussions, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hormones, Hospitalization, M/M, Medication, Omega!Jackson, Second Chances, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Medication, a/b/o laws, adventures in subgender anatomy, aggressive behavior, alpha!Jaebum, don't believe the internet about medical shit please, idiots being grossly in love, internalized shame, mama wang ain't got time for anyone's shit, medical grade stuff is treated differently for a reason, medical talk, running away from our problems, social stigmas because old people are gross, what we have here is failure to communicate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 08:57:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20043346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardStansOnly/pseuds/HardStansOnly
Summary: The road to hell is paved with good intentions.





	Happy and Healthy

**Author's Note:**

> so i had this idea because I'm sad and then I got to thinking about A/B/O anatomy and now we're here. 
> 
> So basically the idea is there is Alpha Hormones and Omega Hormones with in each person. Hormone levels vary from person to but all castes have them. Overproduction of slick can be treated with small doses of Alpha Hormones but side effects include weight loss, increased aggression, and territorial hostility.

**Jackson**

Jackson had long been at his wits end with his body. It didn't matter what anyone said or how much Jaebum swore up and down it was natural, something had to give. The amount of slick he produced was getting in the way of _everything_. His schedules, his dancing, what little sleep they got as idols. He couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm getting hormone treatment for my slick problem." Jackson stood at the edge of the bed defiantly. Jaebum had been stretched out in a pair of loose shorts and tattered black tank top reading something on his phone. "I can't keep doing this." 

"Jackson." The frown on Jaebum's face made Jackson feel defensive. Jaebum was an alpha, he didn't _understand_ what it was like to walk around with swamp ass all the time. How people could _smell_ him all the time. 

At first Jackson thought alphas would be the worst for rude comments but it was other omegas who often said cruel things. People kept telling him that he was asking to be attacked if he couldn't get himself under control. After a while, Jackson started to feel like everyone was watching him. Being anywhere but home made him feel vulnerable, even if Jaebum was with him.

"It's not up for debate." Jackson crossed his arms. He didn't want this to become an argument but he was willing to if needed. Jackson wanted his life back.

"I'm not saying you can't." Already Jaebum was raising his hands in surrender. "If you feel it's necessary I'll back you one-hundred percent. I just want you to be happy and healthy. Okay?" That made Jackson melt instantly. "We'll make an appointment and go together or you can go yourself. Whatever you're comfortable with." Jackson didn't know why he was expecting a fight from Jaebum, his mate was always supportive. "C'mere." Jackson crawled into his alpha's arms, purring when Jaebum peppered his face with kisses. "I love you."

"I love you too, daddy." Jackson curled deeper into Jaebum's chest enjoying his mate's soft touches. 

*

At the doctor's office Jackson waited impatiently to be seen. His leg bounced up and down for nearly a full minute before a hand rested on his knee. Even though he wasn't allowed to go with him to see the doctor Jaebum had come to the office with him.

"Can't you control your stink? This a doctor's office not a brothel." The words caught them off guard. The omega sitting across from them glared heavily. She looked mid-fifties and mean. Shrinking into his seat, Jackson tried to focus on Jaebum’s words since he presented to stomp down the wave of shame. It wasn’t working.

"Can't you mind your own business?" Jaebum asked in his fake polite tone. Jackson had yet to figure out how Jaebum always managed to keep his face from betraying his emotions. 

"Back in my day -"

"It's not your day any more." The razor edge to Jaebum's smile made Jackson fall a little more in love. He didn't need Jaebum to fight his battles for him, but it was nice. 

"Your lack of respect for your elders is shameful." She sniped back, painted red lips sunk into a deep frown. Then with a snide tone added. "Just like your whore soaking through his clothes and stinking up the place."

"And your lack of understanding or acceptance of how bodies work at your age is unsurprising but still disappointing." Jaebum continued to smile, though Jackson knew that the whore comment had pissed him off something fierce. "Having a scent and producing slick isn't 'asking' for anything. It's not shameful or unnatural." The woman's glare could have melted steel but Jaebum continued before she could make a retort. "And, if you keep insulting my mate I'll have the doctors call security to show you out."

Grabbing her pursem the woman stood and moved across the room to the far corner. The few people around them that had heard the exchange shot little smiles at them. One girl that had been sitting close pointed to Jaebum then looked at Jackson giving a thumbs up and a smile.

"I love you." Jackson laid his head on Jaebum's shoulder.

"I love you too." Jaebum kissed the top of his head, thumb brushing against his knee comfortingly.

In the silence of the waiting room, Jackson nearly fell asleep to the soft tick of the clock and gentle noise of the air conditioner unit. He had been so worried about making the appointment and then the ramifications of the appointment that he didn’t sleep much. Jaebum had done his best to stay awake with him but after almost 1 in the morning, Jackson had convinced him to go to sleep. His mate needed the rest.

Thinking about Jaebum giving him a claiming bite filled Jackson’s body with warmth. Even without Jinyoung’s stern glares, Jaebum had been better than any alpha or beta ever portrayed in a drama. He took Jackson to movies and dinner and did in fact find bad poetry to read dramatically while Jackson did his level best to not laugh. They still occasionally had their fights, just because Jackson intended to spend his life with Jaebum didn’t mean the man got a free pass and vise versa, but no matter how much they butted heads they came together, solved it, and apologized or simply agreed to disagree.

The door beside the reception desk opened to reveal a young nurse reading over a chart. “Wang, Jackson.”

“You’re gonna be fine.” Jaebum kissed his cheek smiling. “I’ll be out here when you’re done, okay?” Jackson would have kissed him properly if he wouldn’t feel bad about making everyone wait.

Jackson let himself be poked, prodded, weighed, measured and gave the battery of samples required. Every time he thought he was done, another blue gloved nurse would come in with an apologetic smile and a tray of things to be applied, injected or filled. Nearly forty-five minutes later, he sat on the little bed texting Jaebum while he waited on the doctor. It seemed the woman had tried picking another fight and as promised Jaebum simply smiled and informed the nurses, who gave her one last warning.

_Knock, knock, knock._

“Come in.” Jackson sent a final heart emoji before setting the phone on the white crinkled paper. 

“Hello Mr. Wang. I’m Doctor Yoo.” Jackson shook her hand. The woman stood nearly six foot but the laugh lines around her mouth and eyes made her less intimidating. “I understand you’re looking to get hormone treatment to lessen your slick production.”

“Yes ma’am.” Jackson folded his hands on top of his lap looking down a bit. “I presented late. Two years late and I know that is a factor but I can’t wear pads or liners all the time. I presented almost six months ago and my partner and I are already going to have to replace our bed.” Jackson looked up at the doctor through his lashes. “If I'm not wearing a diaper I’m seeping through my clothes.” Jackson flushed. “And the smell. I-”

“Your scent won’t go away.” The doctor interjected gently. Jackson felt his shoulders drop, he had hoped it would. “You presented late, so both your scent gland and slick glands are still trying to catch up.” Jackson bit the inside of his cheek from speaking. “Usually we do not advise hormone treatment until a full year after presentation. Two for late bloomers.”

“Bu-”

“Please let me finish.” Doctor Yoo’s voice remained calm and level. “Your body needs this time to figure itself out. It’s just as new to this as you are.” Jackson clutched at the material of the backless hospital gown he was wearing. “However,” Jackson perked up a little. “Our tests show that you’re pumping out quite a bit of Omega Hormone, and that is causing you to ovulate more, which ups the production of slick. Among other things.” Jackson nodded, already he could feel himself leaking onto the little table he was sitting on. He kept trying to tell himself that the table had probably seen worse but he was still embarrassed. “The levels are enough that it can lead to other issues so I’m not comfortable making you wait the additional six to eight months.”

“So what do I need to do?” Jackson felt himself breathe a little easier. He had been afraid that he was going to be blown off and sent home.

“There are low dose patches we give for the treatment. It allows for a slow release into the system without overloading it as traditional injections had a tendency to do.” Jackson nodded, but couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “The patches will need to be cut into fours and should be replaced once every two weeks.” Doctor Yoo moved to type on the computer for a moment. “You need to contact us immediately if you begin to feel off or if your mood severely changes.” Doctor Yoo glanced over. “At no point should you _ever_ use a full patch Mr. Wang.”

“Cross my heart ma’am.” Jackson gave his best convincing smile.

“Two patches will take you through four months.” Doctor Yoo held out the script. “After that, you’ll need to come back so we can run tests and see where your levels are at.” Jackson clutched the piece of paper like it would disappear if he didn’t hold it tight enough. “The man you came with. Is he your mate?”

“We’re still in the courting process because he’s being puritanical about it.” Jackson chuckled but felt his face bleed into the dopey grin he knew he had when thinking about Jaebum. “I keep telling him just to do it but I think he’s holding out because he likes to read shitty poetry and pretend it's romantic.” Doctor Yoo laughed behind her hand. “He’s the only person I ever want to be with, that I’ve ever been able to imagine being with. So while not legally speaking, Jaebum is my mate.”

“Make sure to let him know there might be some changes in mood but it’s nothing lasting or severe. Even with a low dose of Alpha Hormone it can cause irritability, territorial urges and even bouts of aggression." Jackson frowned at that. He already had a temper, but the promise of being able to function again was too much to pass up. He would just have to be more aware of his own reactions to things. "If you get violent, stop using the patch and come back immediately so we can start a detox.”

“Thank you.” Jackson bowed as much as he could while still on the table. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“Take care of yourself Mr. Wang.” Doctor Yoo touched his shoulder briefly before handing him off to the nurse.

When Jackson got back out to the waiting room, Jaebum was tapping on his phone but smiled softly as Jackson’s scent caught his attention. If there was anything that Jackson didn’t hate about his current dilemma it was that Jaebum always knew when he was in the room and gravitated to him.

The first few days on the patch, Jackson wanted to rip his hair out. It seemed like if anything the patch was making his body produce more slick and he was tempted to put on a second square. Jackson had nearly done so but Jaebum caught him searching for the box and talked him down off the ledge saying his body needed time to adjust. Also he would burn the patches if he added a second square. The day he came home from the doctor they googled the side effects and horror stories of people who took the patches. Jaebum kept stressing that his health came first and Jackson had eventually relented.

Finally a week later he noticed that he wasn’t having to run to the bathroom nearly as much. That when he woke up in the morning his thighs weren’t glue together. While Jaebum whined good-naturedly about missing the mess his mate was happy that Jackson was finally feeling comfortable in his skin again.

It was a rare off day that Jackson had intended to sleep in. They had silenced the alarm, closed the blinds and locked their bedroom door. Jackson had planned to sleep most of the day away to catch up on the sleep they usually missed.

That had been _his_ plan.

The mouth on his neck and fingers in his ass meant his mate had a much different idea.

As Jackson slowly came awake his body felt like it was on fire. Already he was so close to the edge that the teeth scraping against his scent gland was making his body throb.

“Oh my god.” Jackson gasped gripping the sheets. “Oh...f...daddy...pl..” Jackson arched up his back some trying to chase the fingers. The fingers that had been avoiding his prostate before now focused on it making Jackson all but scream into the sheet. It was barely 10am and his daddy was ruining him.

“Morning baby.” Jaebum’s voice was still rough from sleep. “You looked so pretty.” Jaebum sucked harder on his scent gland making Jackson shudder, hips kicking forward of their own accord. His body didn't dump out slick at the same pace anymore but Jaebum knew how to make him wet and messy anyway. “Smelled so good.” Jackson felt his eyes flutter as the fingers kept the lazy pace. They had talked about this early in their relationship, messing around while the other was sleeping. Jackson didn’t mind waking up with an orgasm as long as it was Jaebum that was dragging it out of him. “Lay there for me baby. Let your daddy take care of you.”

“Oh god.” Jackson’s body went taut as fingertips brushed against his prostate in slow circles. Jackson was already so close to the edge from however long Jaebum had been playing with him that he couldn’t stop himself. Under Jaebum’s attention his body caved like a wet bag. “Daddy. I’m..I'm cumming. I-” Jackson's world went white as dragged his hips against the sheets. Jackson gasped and moaned his way through his orgasm while Jaebum sucked on his scent gland and continued to keep his fingers moving languidly. When he let out hiccuped sob Jaebum finally relented.

“My perfect boy.” Jaebum’s words filled his entire body with warmth. Jaebum was always so free with his praise, more so when he discovered what it did to Jackson. Carefully Jaebum flipped him over the older curled around his side to kiss him slowly. "Did daddy's puppy like that?"

"Yes daddy." Jackson nearly melted under the adoration in Jaebum's gaze. Jaebum looked at him like he held the whole world. "You always take good care of me." Jackson kissed him again softly, fingers trailing along his jaw. He was going to get to spend the rest of his life here, under Jaebum and being loved. 

When Jackson finally stopped panting Jaebum’s fingers worked their way back in making him whine. “We have all day baby. I’m going to make the most of it.”

Jackson knew what that meant. He wouldn’t be walking right for the next two days.

Jaebum really was perfect.

***

**Jaebum : 3 Months later**

Jaebum rubbed at his temples, the headache pushing behind his eyes rocketed through his brain and down into his neck. The last month had been bad, very bad. Jaebum often found himself stuck between his role as a leader and his own feelings.His current problem was the one that he had signed himself up for but not of this level. Jaebum didn’t think that his mate would ever become the person he was right now.

Jackson.

Jaebum had known about his temper, known about his stubbornness, knew just about everything when he went into their relationship. He had known the man for years and weathered his bad moods, his occasional dramatics, and the incessant need to never be wrong. Or at least admit that he was wrong. Like all people did, the Chinese man had gotten better over the years, gotten more grounded and humble and realized that it was okay to be wrong sometimes even if he still had a hard time gritting it out. However, it seemed like eight years worth of progress had suddenly disappeared. 

Not suddenly. It had been gradual but now it simply had come to a head. Jaebum had been trying to figure out what to do, how to handle it without being a Helicopter Alpha. Jaebum had tried to placate his increasingly agitated mate but the more he gave the more Jackson took.

The hormone patch was turning his mate into a fucking nightmare.

Jaebum had known something was wrong when Jackson suddenly stopped producing slick of any kind. When he started it had simply cut the amount by nearly half of what his body had been pumping out but he was still producing it. When he noticed the decline Jaebum had gone to Yugyeom to make sure that something wasn’t wrong but their maknae assured him that the levels Jackson was still producing was normal. Jaebum might have preferred the messiness of before but he understood that it had become not only a problem in Jackson’s day to day life but also had impacted his mate’s self esteem.

The problem now was Jackson had upped his doseage without consulting anyone but himself. 

After the second month the quarter patch didn’t seem to be working as effectively. The slick production ramped up a little bit, nothing like it had been before but enough that it triggered Jackson’s anxiety. Now instead of taking quarter patches Jackson was taking half patches. Like strings connecting the dots Jaebum knew that once Jackson had started doing that was when all the issues had begun. 

Jaebum had noticed the slick first, naturally, he spent a lot of his free time around Jackson’s ass. Even if they couldn’t do more than quickies Jaebum was always aware of Jackson’s body and when he had spent more than a half hour with foreplay and Jackson didn’t produce a drop Jaebum knew something was wrong. Jaebum had tried to talk to Jackson but his mate became immediately defensive, started to shout that he was being selfish. Jackson had thrown on some clothes before storming out and slamming every door he came across. Jaebum tried for the next three days to talk to him but everytime it turned into a screaming match - mostly Jackson screaming. At the end of it Jaebum told him that he wouldn’t touch him unless he could have an actual conversation about it which lead to Jackson ripping off the closet door when he went to open it for clothes.

Jackson had skipped the territorial urges and instead it all turned into aggression, to volatile mood swings that left the six of them scrambling to figure out which Jackson they were talking too.

“No _you_ move.” Across the room Jackson was nearly in Bambam’s face. The Wang Temper was out again. Unfortunately for his mate, Bambam didn’t give a shit about pushing back and Jaebum was too tired to make excuses. When Jackson took another step forward Jinyoung shot to his feet. Even without Jinyoung and Youngjae courting Bambam no one wanted to see this bleed into physical violence. They already had a list of broken objects from chairs to plates that had built up over the last month.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that either Jackson put a new patch on ahead of schedule or something had drastically shifted in his mate. It was like a demon was wearing Jackson’s skin and Jaebum didn’t know how to get him back.

“Jacks-” Jaebum tried but his mate’s head whipped around so fast Jaebum could hear his neck crack. It scared Jaebum how unaffected he was being at the ass end of Jackson’s wild looking glare. He’d seen it more and more until it was the only look Jackson seemed capable of having on his face. Outside of the gym and occasionally the sound booth the Chinese man didn’t smile anymore.

“Stay out of this.” Jaebum could see the veins in Jackson’s neck rising. That had been happening more and more too. The veins in his body would start rise up as Jackson's temper went from zero to sixty at a simple word or misplaced touch. It couldn’t be good for his heart that his blood pressure had such a trigger finger response.

They couldn't do this anymore.

None of them, even Jackson, should have to live like this. The walking on eggshells, the pleas for patience. It had to stop. Either Jackson was going drop from a heart attack or Jaebum was going to throw himself into the Han river. Maybe both.

Pulling out his phone Jaebum started to dig for Doctor Yoo’s number. “We’re going to the doctor.” Jaebum had ignored the signs for nearly two weeks thinking he was being selfish or seeing things. It was clear though, Jackson was absorbing too much Alpha hormones from the patches.

The worst part was that Jackson himself didn’t even realize what was happening. On the occasions that Jackson _did_ realize what happened he would apologize. He would be more contained and aware of his actions but that only lasted for maybe two days. 

The worst was the first day when he applied a new patch. The rush of hormones into his body would have his mate nearly vibrating out of his skin. Jackson had been spending more and more time at the gym to burn energy but instead of bulking out he was whittling away to nothing. The talk of his weight had become just as dangerous as the talk about the patches themselves. 

“I don’t need to go to the doctor.” Jackson folded his arms, face dipping into a severe frown. “I'm fine.” Out of the corner of his eye Jaebum saw Bambam pull a face that might have gotten him punched if Jackson wasn't too busy glaring at him.

“You’ve been using half patches.” Jaebum had done his best not to pry. Had tried to be supportive but there had to be a line. Jaebum didn't want him to be another horror story like the ones they saw in their google search at the beginning. “You’ve dropped almost thirty pounds, you are aggressive to anyone who tries to talk to you and you’re not-”

“Don’t you dare.” Jackson’s body went rigid, a deep growl nearly vibrating his body as it left. Any mention of slick, even if it didn't involve Jackson, did this. It instantly put him on the defensive. “You keep saying you want me to be happy. Just because you can’t have your fetish anymore isn’t my problem.”

Jaebum took a moment to breathe past the hurt. This wasn’t even the worst thing that Jackson had spit at him recently. “I want you to be happy _and_ healthy.” He kept trying to tell himself that this wasn't his mate talking. It was that fucking patch. Jaebum clenched his fist, his slow building anger threatening to spill out. Jaebum was afraid if he met Jackson’s anger with his own they’d lose him all together. The others in the room were silent, most of them hoping not to be accidentally dragged in. Jaebum couldn’t blame them. He didn’t want to be in this argument either. “Ja-”

“If this is going to be the rest of our lives, maybe it's better to stop.” The words hit Jaebum’s heart like a hammer. “I'm breaking off the courting." Jaebum barely heard the next words.

"Jackson you can't mean that." Mark blinked in disbelief. The whole room had somehow become _more_ silent. Nothing moved, no one breathed. This couldn’t be happening.

"Yes I do." Jackson turned a final gaze on all of them before walking away. Snatching his jacket off the back of a chair it clattered to the floor but Jackson paid it no mind. "I need some air.”

As the door slammed shut Jaebum felt dizzy. How had everything gone so wrong?

“Jb breathe.” The voice seemed distant but with how deep it was it could only be Mark. Hands gripped his body as he was shifted around, probably to the couch. Jaebum didn’t even feel himself being moved. All his attention too focused on the sound of the door slamming shut. “Hey, you’re having a panic attack. _Breathe_.” The lungful of air hurt. It felt like he was breaking apart. “Good. Keep breathing. That’s it.”

When Jaebum finally managed to resolidify in his body he felt exhausted. It could have been minutes or days that he had been caught up in his own head. Jaebum played the words over and over and over in his mind. He was desperate to find something in them that would tell him that it wasn't real. That he just misheard the words. But no, it had been spoken clear as day.

Jackson didn’t want him.

“I know you don’t want to hear this.” Jinyoung’s voice was soft. Jaebum knew what was coming but he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle it being said out loud. “We need to move your things or his things into the spare room.” Jaebum was sure he was dying. If he wasn’t then he wanted to. His heart hurt too much to keep going.

“Seriously?” Bambam scowled at Jinyoung. The two betas rarely fought anymore but it looked like Bambam was going to throw punches. Jaebum didn't think he could handle any more fighting so he dropped his head to Mark’s shoulder trying to remember how to breathe.

“Jackson just broke the courtship.” Jinyoung put a hand on Bambam’s shoulder to placate him. “They can’t be in the same room alone for a week, and they can't share a room even if we were to put a second bed in.” The five turned their attention back on him. Jinyoung looked as broken as Jaebum felt. “I’m sorry.”

“Move my stuff.” Jaebum felt like someone else was controlling his mouth. Even if it had been his room before, Jaebum couldn't be in _their_ room now. “Jackson doesn’t like people touching his stuff.” That wasn’t the hormone patch, the man hated when people rifled through his things.

Where there would have once been a joke only silence. Jaebum kept wondering how things had changed so much in three months. How none of them had noticed until it was too late to do anything but hold on tight. Mark kept saying that it was like watching a rodeo and Jaebum figured he finally fell off the bull.

With the help of the others Jaebum moved all of his stuff into the spare room that had been sitting unused since Jackson presented. It took less than an hour. Less than an hour to scrub himself from the room as if he had never been there. As if he hadn't spent hours making love to Jackson in their bed or kissing him breathless on nearly every flat surface available. When the last of his things had been moved Jaebum stared at what was supposed to be the start of their lives together. 

All that was left now was a half empty closet and a striped mattress.

Mark and Jinyoung gently lead him out, windows thrown open to air out the room of their combined scent. Later someone would come through and spray a neutralizer on the mattress and Jackson's clothes in the closet. Jaebum knew it was the law, that the rules were in place to protect all casts from abusive partners but it didn’t stop it from hurting. 

The alpha part of his brain wanted to go find Jackson, find his mate, and make him understand that he couldn't live without him. Find a way to make Jackson see he just wanted to help. Jaebum wouldn't, he was good at ignoring the voice in the back of his head. Jackson asked for space so Jaebum would give it to him. If he truly wanted to break up Jaebum would respect his wishes.

Sitting in the middle of the spare room Jaebum watched Yugyeom and Youngjae make the bed with spare sheets from the closet. He knew he should help. Should be doing something but all he could focus on was he wasn’t allowed to talk to Jackson for at least 72 hours from the time the courtship had been called off. That he could lose his career or even go to prison if anyone thought he was trying to pressure Jackson into coming back. 

Mark had initially offered to be their go between but Jinyoung firmly said that he would take care of it. If anyone could get away with putting Jackson in his place it was Jinyoung. He had Best Friend rights and every intention to use them.

“Jaebum.” The dread in Mark’s voice made something in his heart twist. “Manager just called.” Jaebum already felt sick. “Jackson is taking some time off. He’s already heading toward the airport and going to Hong Kong to see his parents.”

“God why does he have to be so fucking pig headed about everything.” Yugyeom huffed tossing a pillow on the bed. “It's gonna be okay Jb.” Their maknae knelt down next to him, long arms wrapping around where his heart was breaking in his chest. “He’s gonna realize he’s being an asshole and come back. Just wait.”

“If he doesn’t realize his mom will put a foot up his ass and he’ll get a whole cognitive restart.” Mark tried to smile. Mrs. Wang was a formidable woman who didn't take shit from anyone, least of all her son. Sometimes she was then only voice of reason Jackson listened to.

That night Jaebum slept in a bed that wasn’t his with sheets that smelled like no one and cried himself to sleep.

*

Jackson had been gone three weeks. During that time no one had heard from the rapper. Both Jinyoung and Mark had tried to reach out to him but got steady silence in return. There had been nothing posted to any of his social media accounts, nothing sent in to their manager or the company. It was as if Jackson had simply walked out their front door and the earth swallowed him whole. When their manager called after the second week of absence his mom tersely informed him that Jackson was okay but would remain in Hong Kong for another week before coming home.

The days blurred together into a single stream of gray for Jaebum though. He would get up with his alarm, shower, go to work and then come home and go back to bed. He didn’t have the mental strength or emotional stamina to do much more than that. Sometimes the others would pull him out for movie night or out to dinner but none of it seemed worth it. The food was bland, the movies he never really remembered because he couldn’t bring himself to pay attention to them. If there was anything that Jaebum could feel mildly grateful for it was that they were in between comebacks and still had another month before they would all have to get their shit together and start working in ernest again.

It was a Saturday when Jaebum found himself staring blankly at Jinyoung. His friend had an unreadable expression on his face. Jaebum wasn’t sure if he could handle any more bad news and survive. The longer all of this dragged out the less Jaebum thought he’d ever be able to come back to the person he was before. Already his music was suffering, he was supposed to be working on something, anything, but the lyrics wouldn’t come. All the melodies were bland or sad.

Jaebum had made up his mind that he would move back in with his mom when Jackson came back. Sitting in the corner boxes were already packed up and waiting for the moving truck to be called. He could work sixteen hour days with the man but he wouldn’t be able to handle sleeping under the same roof but two rooms away. He loved Jackson with all his heart but he needed to think about the damage this was doing to him. Jaebum had to stop making excuses to stay. The silence of the last three weeks had shown Jabeum that it was more than just harsh words spoken in the heat of the moment. 

“He took an early flight.” Jinyoung’s eyes swept towards the boxes. None of them wanted him to leave. They had all lived together so long that it felt like staring at dozens of mini caskets. “He’ll be here any minute now.”

“Close the door on your way out.” Jaebum rolled onto his stomach. 

“You should talk to him.” Jinyoung rubbed between his shoulders. 

“I smell like depression, nevermind looking like I died.” Jaebum knew how bad he looked. He kept up with his skin care routine out of habit and when he couldn’t muster up the gumption to do it himself their maknae line used it as an excuse to force him to socialize while they did it for him. 

Then there was his scent. The deeper the slipped into his sadness the more his body pushed out a sickly smell. He usually smelled like toffee but now it just smelled like something sweet and rotting. On the days he had to go to work Jaebum had taken to spraying his clothes down with a neutralizing spray a few times throughout the day so he wouldn’t trigger those around him into a fit of distress. The first day he had gone in without it an intern had bursted into tears while others crowded around trying to find the source of his hurt. Jaebum had gotten control of the pheromones but the smell remained.

“Manager says he looks healthier.” Jinyoung tried again. That did make Jaebum feel marginally better. Maybe Mrs. Wang had been able to reach him where they failed.

“I’m not guilt tripping him into talking to me.” Jaebum couldn’t even muster anger. “He’s had three weeks to say something, anything.” Tears burned his eyes for the millionth time. If he wasn’t sleeping, drifting 3 inches from his body, or buried in his music Jaebum found himself crying. "He doesn't want me and that's okay." Jaebum had started to practise saying that when it became apparent that Jackson wasn't going to call or text. Jaebum said it a hundred times a day, every day, trying to convince his heart that they'd survive.

“I’ll have Yugyeom bring you food.” Jinyoung finally sighed in resignation. “If you start skipping meals again I’m telling Mark. You know how he gets when we don’t eat right.” That made the corner of Jaebum’s mouth twitched into a near smile. Their American hated when they had to extreme diet or threatened to. He had been the first person to notice when Jackson started dropping weight at an unhealthy rate. “Give it a few days before you move. For me, for all of us.”

Jaebum didn’t say anything. Then he finally relented. "Okay." He'd give it two days. His heart wouldn't be able to take much more than that.

The sound of the front door opening and closing caught their attention. The voice that once made his heart swell with happiness how filled it with dread. How was he supposed to stay composed at work? How was he supposed to pretend like his whole world had decided he wasn’t good enough?

He couldn’t do it.

Pulling the pillow that still vaguely smelled like Jackson to his chest Jaebum burrowed under the covers and closed his eyes. Sleep would come or it wouldn't. It didn't matter.

"He doesn't want me and that's okay." Jaebum hugged the pillow tighter to his chest beginning his mantra. "He." The tears spilled over making him choke. "H-he doesn't want me. Th-that's ok-ay."

***

**Jackson**

Jackson knew he was in deep shit when he got home. He'd been such an _asshole_ to everyone and he could clearly see it now. It took an impromptu plane trip home, the scolding of a lifetime from his mother, and 3 weeks of supervised medical detox to realize how badly he had fucked up.

When he stormed out of their dorm and booked his flight to China he was angry. Angry enough to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a last minute ticket just so he wouldn’t have to be in the same country as the others. The whole trip he stewed in his seat full of nothing but self-righteous anger. Jackson had been so convinced that he everyone around him was trying to undermine him that he had started lashed out.

He hadn't stopped lashing out.

Being in Hong Kong helped ease some of his anger, the familiarity of it soothing his frazzled brain. He couldn’t seem to really focus on any one thing for too long before something else snagged his attention. It had been years since it had been this bad but he simply chalked it up to everyone pissing him off all the time. They kept hounding him about dumb stuff day in and day out he was bound to start breaking. It wasn’t his fault it was theirs and he couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t leave him well enough alone.

Jackson had barely gotten a step into his parents' house before his mom dragged him into the kitchen by his arm demanding to know what happened. Jackson spit out that of _course_ they already called her and she was against him too but she told him she wanted to hear his side before she would decide. His mom quietly sat as he ranted and raved and spit venom he didn't really mean but had built up over the flight. He raged that _his_ mate had taken _their_ side. That his alpha didn't understand how freeing it was to no longer produce slick. To no longer feel like an omega, like he was weak.

The slap to the face might as well have been a punch for the power it packed behind it.

It was when he was staring up wide eyed at her that it hit him all at once. He had fallen into the very stereotype mindset that she had raised him not to be. As an omega herself, his mom had to claw tooth and nail to get a third of the respect as her alpha and beta counterparts. She bulldozed her way to the top of her classes, to the top of her field and all the way to the Olympics. She didn't take kindly to anyone shit talking omegas of any gender.

Jackson sat in the chair torn between heartbreak and anger at her reaction. Under her dark gaze Jackson started from his presentation and worked through the entire story until it ended in the little kitchen. 

Jackson explained that when the quarter patch had stopped working he had gone online. At first it was to check to see if it was normal but in his search he had found a chat site talking about the patches. The omegas there posted stories and pictures of how they had used the patches and Jackson found community. It had been nice to connect with other people who understood. They told him that half patches weren't a risk and it came with the added bonus of being able to add more muscle. Jackson admitted to noticing that he had become more irritable but it was only when the others were poking at him or trying to push him to see a doctor. He didn’t _need_ a doctor. He had spent days and days crawling through online threads and talking to others who had been doing this for years.

"And you just believed them?" His mom sounded disbelieving. Jackson wilted under the dark look that pinched her pretty features. "Without talking to a doctor or anyone with an actual medical degree. Did you talk to Jaebum about it before you started self dosing?"

"It wasn't his choice to make." Jackson slammed his fist on the table. Immediately he regretted it and looked down. "It's my body." He desperately wanted his mom on his side but it seemed even she was against him. It wasn’t fair. He just wanted people to stop treating him differently because he was an omega. The easiest way to do that was to not be one, or be as close to anything else as possible.

"So you broke that poor boy's heart for what?" The look of disappointment punched through the lingering fog of anger. "The opinions of throw away people? People who don’t care about you, _really_ care about you. You've risked your health so you can pretend you're not an omega as if it's something to be ashamed of." Jackson had just sat, head hung low. "You can't contact any of them now. You know that right?" Jackson's heart kicked in his ribs. He couldn't _not_ talk to them. He couldn't leave Jaebum thinking he hated him even if he still wanted to do nothing more than scream at him for the betrayal. “Give me your phone. Now.”

"Mom." Jackson tried to stammer out but the growl from low in her chest silenced him.

"They can go to _jail_." She finally gritted out. "No contact for at least seventy-two hours that is international law. You _know_ this. I _taught_ you this." Jackson surrendered his phone to her held out hand. Trying to argue with his mother was like trying to argue with a hurricane. "Where is it?" Jackson had slowly shuffled to his feet to lift his shirt sleeve. the translucent square sat on his bicep. "You used a whole patch?" Jackson could still hear the edge of fear in her voice. “How long.”

“A week.” Jackson admitted quietly. Jackson wished his mom would have hit him because watching her cry was so much more painful.

The next three weeks Jackson spent in a hospital on an IV drip. The amount of Alpha hormones that he had been dumping into his body had started to do damage to his organs and daisy chaining reactions that were wreaking havoc. His quick temper had been exacerbated by rising blood pressure. Something about it triggering a feedback loop in his brain hitting the Fight button buried in some lobe or another. The constant spike in his blood pressure had begun to wear on not just his heart but his kidneys as well as to his adrenal glands. Each time his temper would explode it caused them to go into overdrive, his system believing he was going into a life or death fight. With them having to pump out so much even during the short span of time left them constantly drained. Now that they weren't being triggered by anything Jackson was feeling the effects more keenly.

A battery of tests showed that they had caught it before the damage was irreparable but Jackson would have to be mindful of his stress levels and diet. The salt he could live without, the dramatic drop in caffeine he was allowed would be the hard part. Even his favorite tea was packed with caffeine and he wasn’t allowed more than a cup or two while his body tried to fight its way back to normal. Or as close to normal as he would be able to achieve.

Jackson had dreaded the call to Doctor Yoo, more so when his mom insisted he be the one to tell her what happened. It had been one of the few times Jackson had been given permission to use a phone. When he called Doctor Yoo he sat through her lecture and disappointed sighs. Jackson had made no attempt to defend himself. He was bad at apologizing but he did know when he fucked up.

The hardest part both physically and emotionally was when his slick came back it did so with a vengeance. Where it had been obnoxious before Jackson now soaked through pad after pad after pad with seemingly no end to it in sight. There were days the amount was so much he just sat in the hospital bathtub crying as his body ached from the strain of everything. His new doctor told him that he would need to make peace with this since they couldn't risk putting him back on the hormones. It would take months, if not years, for his body to correctly balance itself now.

As part of the battery of tests he had scans and an ultrasound to check the sac that held his ovaries. Unsurprisingly, they too had been damaged by the high levels of hormones resulting in several cysts forming directly on them. Nearly all of them went away on their own as his system flushed but the day one ruptured Jackson was convinced he was dying. The pain bloomed so quickly that he didn't have time to scream before his heart monitor shot up making the hospital staff come running. Jackson had stared hazed in pain at the sudden bloody mess for only a moment before his brain shut down to save itself from overload.

When Jackson had woken up the doctors and nurses promised that the bleeding was normal with a cyst rupture, that they were going to keep an eye on it but still the now red pads made Jackson terrified of what new test result would be. There was still a very real potential that he had made himself sterile by overloading his system with the hormones. He might never be able to carry children and the grief of that nearly broke him. He and Jaebum hadn't even broached the subject of kids but Jackson wanted them. He wanted to have a baby boy with Jaebum's smile and a little girl with his laugh. Jackson wanted a house and a dog and a tire swing. All of that was slipping away in the bloody slick.

As his levels slowly came down he was able to see everything else through a clear head. He had driven everyone he loved away with his mood swings and growing violent behaviour. During his detox Jackson wasn't allowed to have his phone or access to a computer. He wasn't allowed any communication with the outside world. His mother was concerned that he would fall back into his bad habits or worse the people online undermining his recovery. The first few days that Jackson was left well and truly alone he let himself cry, to think about every day from the moment he decided to take things into his own hands. Jackson thought about the consequences and repercussions that he would face.

Without a phone or email Jackson wrote each of them a letter a day. He wrote apologies for things he did, things he said. Jackson poured his heart into pages and pages of loose leaf paper so that when he got home he would be able to deliver them personally. The daily letters where what kept him sane during the long hours that he sat in the bed, body throbbing from all kinds withdrawal he didn’t know existed. If Jackson let himself get too far into his own head he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to crawl out.

To Jaebum he wrote endlessly. Sometimes scribbling things into the margins. He wrote poems and songs and love notes. He made little drawings and cartoons. He also wrote apologies for every cruel thing he said and did. Jackson apologized for screaming at him when Jaebum realized he wasn't producing slick and stopped having sex. He apologized for not listening when Jaebum pleaded with him to stop going to the gym so much, that he was losing not gaining muscle. Jackson apologized for alienating him from the group. Apologized that Jaebum had to take a beating from both sides as he tried desperately to both protect Jackson from their anger and them from his. Sometimes Jackson just wrote 'I love you' line after line after line praying that it would be enough.

*

Predictably when he arrived home there was none of the usual fanfare. Mark watched darkly from the kitchen table, the brown eyes tracking his every movement. Jinyoung was on the couch, book in his lap refusing to look up. Jackson wasn’t sure where their maknae line was but there were muffled sounds from one of the bedrooms so he guessed they’d probably locked themselves in. Hanging his head Jackson toed off his shoes and made his way to the bedroom. Jackson hoped that Jaebum would at least be willing to hear him out before kicking him out.

The moment he opened the door Jackson knew something was wrong. The bed was made with their sheets but the whole room was off. Dropping his bags Jackson stepped into the middle of the room taking a few deep breaths through the nose before he realized what the problem was. The room smelled like him, a little like tide, and nothing like Jaebum. Jackson didn’t even register his body moving as he began to rip open drawers thinking that this was just a joke. That maybe he was just missing something since his ability to smell was no longer as sharp. 

He found nothing. The once full closet now only held his items. Only his cologne and jewelry rested on the dresser. Only his items on the nightstand. This wasn’t their room anymore, it was his room and Jackson didn’t think he’d ever felt so lonely.

"Want to tell me what happened?" Jackson had been expecting Mark for the initial confrontation. Instead, Jinyoung leaned against the door frame. His best friend was tense as if he expected Jackson to start arguing. Seeing Jinyoung so defensive made the shame and regret bloom back in his chest.

"I fucked up." Jackson's brain was just one long shrill scream that his mate was gone. Jinyoung didn't even blink. "I deviated from the doctor's orders. The half patch was too much but using a full one more or less put me into an overdose."

"Tell me you didn't." Jinyoung's face fell into shock. All of the tightly held tension bleeding out into worry. Jinyoung took a half step forward, arm reaching out before he caught himself and pulled back. "Jackson you can't do that. You can't use full patches."

"But I did." Jackson sighed dragging a hand through his hair. "By the time my brain caught up to the rest of me I was already on a plane. I was at my mom's house for less than two hours before she kicked my ass and dragged me to the hospital." Jackson lifted his wrist to show his medical band. "Mom took my phone. At first it was because of the no contact rule. Then she said I did enough damage and needed to face everyone I hurt instead of using texting as a cop out." Jackson left out the chat site and tabs of bad pseudo science. He could explain that later, after he made his apologies. He wouldn’t hide behind excuses or use it as a buffer to their anger. Squatting to open his bag jackson pulled out 6 manila envelopes, each with a name. "This is yours."

Jinyoung didn't open it. He stared at the others for a moment. "He isn't going to come out of his room." Jinyoung glanced over his shoulder to the empty room that Jackson had moved out from. It would explain the absence of his mate in this room. After the 72 hours he had simply not come back. "You have a lot of damage to fix here."

"I know." Jackson held the envelopes tighter. "I'm sorry Jinyoung. I'll do better, I promise." Jackson hoped it was enough for a start. He couldn't bear to lose his best friend too.

Jinyoung had gathered everyone, barring Jaebum, to the kitchen table. Jackson quietly explained what happened, why he was gone for so long, and finally passed out the envelopes. The table was silent during his story, all of torn between shock and anger. When Jackson reached the end and no one spoke Jackson promised once more he would make it up to them if they were willing. If not he would keep to himself and out of their way.

Excusing himself from the table Jackson returned to the bedroom that felt like a bullet wound. The lack of anything Jaebum in the space made it feel whatever the opposite of haunted was. There was no smell, no clothes, no anything to show they once shared a life.

"You looking for something?" Mark's voice came from the doorway.

"Its weird." Jackson's shoulders sagged looking around. The bed looked the same, the walls looked the same, nothing looked out of place but it was as if reality had been shifted 2 inches to the right. "It just smells like me."

"You don't want it smelling like Jaebum right now." There was something in Mark's voice. Like a knife in the dark.

"Why?" Jackson barely caught the thing being thrown. The familiar black vinyl bag was zipped tightly closed. Usually they only pulled these out when a heat or rut struck and they needed to get items to the washing machine before they affected the house. "A scent blocking bag? No one should be in a cycle right now." And if they were why was Mark giving it to him?

"Open it." There was authority in Mark's voice but it wasn't backed by any alpha compulsions.

Jackson shouldn't have been surprised at the smell. With how deeply he hurt Jaebum he should have been expecting the heavy scent of grief undercut by loathing to waft up. Jackson found himself on his knees, one hand pressed against his mouth to muffle the sobs. Some of the items were coated in neutralizing spray but they couldn't mask everything. His mate's clothes smelled like a candy shop on fire.

"He's threatening to move back to his mom's place." Mark's voice cut through the screaming static of his brain. “Jinyoung got him to agree to hang around for two days.” Something softened on his friend’s face, the line of Mark’s shoulders unwound a bit.

"What do I do?" Jackson clutched the bag of clothes to his body. "Mark what do I _do_?"

Mark's eyes dropped to the bag of clothing. "The room is going to be worse. He doesn't leave it unless we have to work. He just lays in bed." Jackson didn't know how anyone could survive feeling like this. "Give him a reason to stay."

Mark disappeared from the doorway.

Jackson stumbled across the hall on numb legs. It took a few attempts but finally he got the knob to turn. When the door pushed open Jackson actually staggered back as a wave of air hit him. The air in the room felt as if it was physically weighed down by Jaebum's grief. Jackson forced one foot in front of the other into the dark. 

"Jb?" Jackson tried to find the light but his foot caught on something and he went crashing too the floor.

The click of a lamp was enough to illuminate the mountain of boxes he had just landed in. Not that Jackson paid any mind to them. All his attention was on the man trying to make himself as small as possible in the middle of the room. In the low light Jaebum looked worse than Jackson had when he arrived in China. His mate's warm tan skin looked a sickly pale. The dark bags beneath his eyes gave the impression he had been punched in the face. Already Jaebum was in motion heading to the doorway.

"Please don't leave." Jackson scrambled up as Jaebum nearly made it to the doorway. Closing a hand around Jaebum's wrist his mate went still.

"You don't want me and that's okay." The words were practiced, robotic. They sounded as if some machine had replaced his lover. The rough edge giving away that Jaebum had been crying recently, probably just before he had fallen asleep and woken up by Jackson falling on his ass.

"I fucked up." Jackson belatedly remembered the envelope sitting on the other bed. He could give that later. "I love you." Jaebum shrunk away from the words like they physically hurt to hear. "I know I don't deserve it." Jackson moved to wrap Jaebum in a tight hug. "Can I have a second chance?" Jackson tried not to focus on how Jaebum's arms remained at his sides.

"You do-"

"I want you." Jackson pulled back to cup Jaebum's face. "I love you. I never stopped loving you." Jackson kissed the tear stained cheeks. "I'm so sorry."

"You left." Jaebum finally broke. Gathering the older up into his arms Jackson held him tightly. "You didn't come home."

"I know." Jackson gagged on the scent rolling rolling off of his mate. 

Did he even get to call Jaebum his mate after this?

"My mom took me to a hospital in Hong Kong." Jackson nuzzled his face against Jaebum's neck. "You were right. I was over using the patches and I had to detox." That made Jaebum jolt. "I had been reading a lot of bad things that went into why I over used the patches. My mom wanted me off the internet while I was healing."

"You could have wrote." Jaebum spoke quietly. Jackson had hoped that his mom would have at least told Jaebum what was going on since he was GOT7’s leader but she had not. Jaebum had spent every day from the time he stormed out the door until now convinced he didn’t love him. That he meant it when he stupidly said he wanted to break their courtship. 

"I wrote you every day." Jackson pulled back. "Stay here." Jackson sprinted to his room and back in under a minute. "Here." Jaebum eyed the manila folder packed to nearly breaking. "I understand if you don't forgive me." Jackson couldn't bring himself to look up. He knew Jaebum hated to see him cry, bedroom activities notwithstanding, and didn’t want the ones he knew lined his lashes to blackmail him.

The silence stretched for what felt like a year before the envelope hit the floor with a heavy thunk. Jackson tried not to cry at the sound. He had fucked everything up, he wanted to go back and tell himself that there were worse things than having to deal with than a wet ass and people's rude comments.

"I love you." Jaebum pulled him against his body. Jackson body reacted immediately, hands clutching the front of Jaebum’s shirt. "My stupid, stubborn, ass." Jackson clung to him. Burying his face into Jaebum's neck he could already smell the change in Jaebum's scent. "I thought you were gone forever."

"No. I just needed to have some sense slapped into me." Jackson gave a watery smirke. "Which was courtesy of my mom." Jaebum snorted, the corners of his mouth lifting a little bit. "Like three times. My IQ should rival Kyung's now." At that Jaebum did laugh. "Jb?"

"Hm?" Jaebum pressed their foreheads together, eyes closed as he took in their closeness.

"Can I court you?" Jaebum's breath hitched, eyes snapping open. Jackson ached to kiss the doubt out of his mate.

"Do you mean it?" The words were a mirror of what was said when he stormed out.

"I've already written you some pretty terrible poetry." Jaebum laughed burrowing into his neck. "I mean it. If you're willing, I'd like a chance to show you I'm better. That I'm worth it."

"You've always been worth it." Jaebum held him tighter, as if he’d float away if he let go.

"No I haven't." Jackson shook his head. "I was mean and nasty and I hurt everyone because I was ashamed of my body." Jackson felt tears burn his eyes. "I hurt you the worst." Jaebum didn't speak. "I'll be better."

"No more patches." Jaebum's voice was quiet. "No more doing this to yourself."

"I…" Jackson had dreaded this part. Saying it out loud would only cement the reality of it. "I can't take them anyway. Not anymore. Not if…" Jackson bit his lip trying to keep his voice from breaking.

"Not if what?" Jaebum pulled back to force him to look up. Jaebum held his face in warm palms, face lined with worry. "What happened baby?"

"I can't take them because the rest of my body aside, it will make me sterile." Jackson looked down. Would Jaebum want him if he was defective? "If they haven't already."

"Oh baby." Jackson found himself wrapped up in Jaebum's arms again. "Its okay." A hand pushed his face into Jaebum’s scent gland that was now pumping out a calming scent that was at odds with the smell around the room. 

"No it's not." Jackson shook his head. Jackson tried speaking again but Jaebum hushed him. The fingers in his hair scratched gently at his scalp until his breathing calmed down.

"I love you." Jaebum pulled him back, kissed both cheekbones then very gently kissed him properly. The kiss was soft, barely a brush of lips but it helped ease some of the deep ache that had settled itself into his body. "We'll figure it out. As long as we're together we'll figure it out."

Jackson melted under his touch. Didn't put up any fight when Jaebum walked him back to press him against the wall. Losing himself in the kiss Jackson took a few moments to savor it. To take in an appreciate the light scrape of stubble, calloused fingers cradling his head. Jackson reveled in everything from the soft sighs to the gentle coaxing of tongue against his.

“If we jump into bed Jinyoung _will_ kill us.” Jackson grinned when Jaebum pulled away to let him breathe.

“You’re right.” Jackson jumped at the voice from the doorway. Five pairs of eyes watched them even if a few still had a frown. “Homecoming rules. Red solo cup distance at minimum.” The fond curve of Jinyoung’s lips gave Jackson hope he had a shot at fixing some of this.

“Be right back.” Jaebum kissed his cheek. Jaebum walked over to the door, flashed a smile, then closed in their faces. Jackson slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter but on the other side he heard the distinct bark of Mark’s laugh and even Youngjae’s bright giggle. “Where were we?”

“Leaving room for Jesus while I read you some of the terrible poetry I wrote?” Jackson picked up the manila envelope. “Maybe opening the window and lighting a candle?” Jaebum chuckled moving around the bed to throw open the window and turn on the fan to clear some of the air.

When they crawled on the bed so Jaebum could begin reading through the novel of pages Jackson had written he had hope. He didn't deserve a second chance after how he had treated them, for all the damage he did but they were giving him one. Silently he promised to make it worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Say hi to us on Tumblr!  
https://bang-channies.tumblr.com/
> 
> hey kids we got a twitter:  
S - https://twitter.com/hardstansonly  
K - https://twitter.com/BChannies


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